#OutrageousOctober: Making Amends With Future Friends

27 Oct

One thing that makes me very uncomfortable is confrontation. Even if the person who I should be confronting is completely in the wrong, I still hesitate. And what’s worse than knowing why you should confront someone, is not knowing why you should confront them.

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Yes, this has happened to me recently. And in this case I use the word ‘confrontation’ lightly because the negative feelings that have formed between me and this other person (who will remain unnamed) formed from indirect actions. We didn’t talk about each other behind each other’s backs, we didn’t break any promises, and we didn’t bail on each other at a sporting event. We didn’t even get a chance to do any of that, because me and this other person barely even know each other.

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The key component to this “non-verbal spat” was a person who we both know and love. We spent much quality time with this person separately. We eventually became jealous of one another. It felt like we were trying to steal this mutual friend from one another. And this mutual friend of ours was the only bridge of communication we had. They tried their best to be Switzerland but the feelings were already too strong.

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I know this must sound incredibly ridiculous, two people fighting over another person. And you would be right, but I think negative feelings created by a simple misunderstanding is all too common. But it got to a point where I needed to throw away my pride and start on the right track with this person. This finally happened last week, when I sat down to do my homework and saw them doing the same right across from me at a different table. I probably contemplated “confronting” them for a solid 15 minutes, but I know I had to do it quick before they left.

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So I tried to be all smooth like, getting up to throw away a piece of paper I just crumpled and walking right past them while returning to my table. I knew this person and my boyfriend have a class together, so I opened with that. “Hey (insert name here), you’re in (name of class at specific day and time) right?” And I had to remember to smile a lot because sometimes I forget to do that. They said yes, and they actually sounded as uncomfortable as I was. “Well my boyfriend is kinda struggling and I think he would like to study with you, would that be okay?” “Yeah sure, that’s fine” they said in a more comfortable yet still unsure tone.

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And I walked back to my table and sat down slightly disappointed about the outcome. I foolishly assumed that this little conversation would erase all the negativity between us. However, I did finally talk to them and there was no longer a giant elephant in the room. I can honestly say that I will feel more comfortable talking to them again in the future. And maybe somewhere down the road, we can become friends. But like life, it’s a work in progress.

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Best,

Casey

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