#FearlessFebruary: Dinner for One

18 Feb

My friend Trevor has always felt completely comfortable doing public activities on his own. And by public activities I mean shopping at the mall, seeing a movie, and even eating in a restaurant. Last February I challenged myself to go to the cinema completely by myself and though I still felt slightly awkward and insecure, it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my head. So this year I decided to wander over the Applebee’s to enjoy a nice hot meal with just me, myself, and I. giphy.gif

Upon entering the restaurant, the hostess asked, “How many?” and I’ll admit, like being at the cinema, I felt insecure saying “Just one please”. With that she asked if I’d rather sit at the bar, which I’m assuming is because they want to keep the actual tables open for groups of people. Ouch right? But I told her as politely as I could that “A table is fine”. After she handed my menu and left, I was of course completely by myself which caused the nerves to rattle a bit. But I distracted myself with the menu and tried to appear very invested in their selection of fish.

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Once the waitress popped up she asked if I was waiting for anyone else to join, which I answered ‘no’ but in a slightly more confident demeanor. But I couldn’t help but wonder if she and the other people in the restaurant were assuming that I got stood up, or that I didn’t have any friends that wanted to have dinner with a loser like me. And even ordering was a struggle since I usually order the ‘2 for $20’ meal since I’m almost always with my boyfriend when I come here. But I settled on a classic burger, medium well, with fries instead of a salad as my side.

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After my food finally arrived, I wasted no time and gobbled it down as fast as I could without getting a stomach ache. I wanted this experience to be over. I wanted to go home and be with people again. But in the end it wasn’t so much as the fear of what people thought of me (because quite frankly people probably could care less) but more of my own need to be around people that was making me feel uncomfortable. Which is strange since I’ve always considered myself to be a introvert. All in all, like the cinema, the experience wasn’t a scary as I thought it would be.

But I’m probably never going to do it again.

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