#OutrageousOctober: Just Journaling

28 Oct

This October, I decided to tackle the one thing that scares me the most: introspection. That’s right, this October, I made it all about me. For someone who spends most of her time thinking about other people or school or anything that does not involve thinking about her own feelings, this was absolutely terrifying. I decided the best way to make this month about me was to write about myself, so I tried journaling.

Journaling was much different than I thought it would be, I started off by going out and purchasing a journal, hoping if I liked the journal enough it would encourage me to stick with it. Finding the journal was easy enough, but once I was sitting in my room staring at the paper, I found that I had nothing to say! I started off with my day and hoped I would get the hang of it. Unfortunately, this did not happen. I was uncomfortable with addressing my feelings in such a blunt way, and everything I put down sounded whiny. I still persevered, but it did not get better in the following days.

In the end, I did not enjoy it. I realized the reason was that I was trying to force myself to do something that I would never do. I know that it is good to get out of your comfort zone, that is pretty much the purpose of these monthly blogs, but this was too far outside of my comfort zone. I am not someone who talks openly about my feelings, I tend to have internal observations about them, but putting them out on paper made me feel very uncomfortable because others then had access to them.

Perhaps I will try something similar to this in the future, but maybe I will try a more internal method, or a different form of writing other than straight prose. Maybe poetry or song would better represent my style.

All in all, journaling was not a complete waste, I found the edge of my comfort zone and I now know what limits I can try to push as I mature in my life!

– Chrissy

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